It's been WAY too long since I've last blogged. I'm supposed to lead the other DJ's at the radio station by example...I nag at them when they don't blog and here I am waiting months between blogs. I don't really have an excuse...I just haven't felt much like writing. Call it digital overload, I guess.

A lot has been going on with me...and this blog has been a long time coming. If you've ever read any of my blogs, you know that I tend to be pretty transparent about my personal life and the goings on of such. There's been far too much going on to possibly cover here in one blog post, but I promise to keep ya'll more up to date in 2010. My new year's resolution has been to be more true to myself and others. That's not to say I haven't been true to begin with, but I really believe in being honest and forthright about all my feelings...and not partaking in the games that people play. I've been hurt, and scarred by said games...and I won't be having any more of it in 2010. Maybe I'm naive, but I tend to get taken for rides more often than not. And no, that's not a euphemism...you dirty bird, you.

2009 was an important year for me, personally. I grew in ways I didn't realize were possible.

While I am transparent about most things, I can be intensely private about the things closest to my heart. So, a lot of times, people discern that my mood is less than optimal, though they don't have a clue why. That leads a lot of people to assume things about me that just aren't true. Only those few who have taken the time to really understand my inner workings seem to "get it". Unfortunately for me, I'm usually left explaining myself at times when I'd rather stay quiet. Two life-changing events took place in my life last year. Both were things I've remained quiet about until now.

Last spring, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. For the first time in my life, I had to face the mortality of one of my parents. It was really tough to think about...but I knew it was important to remain as strong as possible for my mom's sake. It prompted me to start spending more time with her...something I hadn't done much of in the last few years since moving to Rockville, which is a good distance from Baltimore. I began to take my mom to breakfast on Saturday mornings, something she really seems to look forward to. Fast forward a few months, and my mom's surgery and treatment were quite successful and there are no traces of the cancer left in her system. Here's to hoping it stays that way forever.

Throughout my mom's situation, no one knew how thinly my emotions were stretched. I hate to admit this, but I'm a very fragile person. I'm so passionate about things, that I get deeply attached to a situation. I really tried hard to hide how I was affected by everything. A lot was easily hidden within my relationship with my then-boyfriend. He didn't have to do much to take my mind off of things...he just had to be around...and that's exactly what he did. Whether he knows it or not, it helped me get through the most difficult time I had ever had to face. It meant everything to me. I guess I just didn't expect him to come full circle and end the year viewing me as a bitter enemy. I don't usually communicate as honestly as I should. It leaves people to assume...and as I alluded to, that's the worst thing any of us can do.

And then I guess I screwed up somewhere. The exact source of that screw up is still hard for me to pin down, as I believe it may have been more like an aggregate of events over a period of time. Needless to say, I wasn't in the best frame of mind for most of this year and I let it get the best of me. The worst part is that I may have very well caused permanent damage to a relationship with someone who was one of the best friends I have ever had. Truth be told, I had every right to be furious...however, we both ended up making poor decisions and reacting in ways that I'm sure neither one of us is proud of. I've long forgiven him for what happened and respect his decision. I hope, with time, that he can do the same. That's all I'm going to say about that.

It was a year of a true highs and lows. There were some old friends I lost touch with, that I have begun working to restore. I've learned not to become so detached and wrapped up in my own life that I forget those who are important to me. Even when things appear to be 100%, they could fall apart at a moment's notice. The love I lost last year was not the one I feared losing. That feels weird to say, but it's true. I took much for granted last year...and never even realized I was doing it until it was too late. That is why I am so grateful my mom is still around and is strong after her battle with cancer.

I hate to draw such a comparison, but I'm battling my own sort of cancer these days. As I try to sort things out from the past year, I see a different type of cancer spread. A type that causes a once-great friend to distance himself. And who can blame him? If I heard the same things, I would have too. As I have jumped back in the pool and moved on to other relationships, there are some lingering symptoms that have yet to clear up...people talking...people saying things that simply aren't true. All things based on assumptions.

Tony Randall said it best when he said "When you assume...you make an "a$$" out of "u" and "me"." People usually laugh at that classic line, but it's completely true in all respects.

What's really funny is that my horoscope yesterday hit the nail on the head: "Whenever things are going great, you're just waiting with your shoulders up around your ears for them to go wrong. That tension can even send the direction of your love affair in the wrong way. Get out of this rut by realizing you deserve to have true love."

It's not all bad, though. If things hadn't happened the way they did, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to reconnect with my friend Dan during a fabulous trip to Las Vegas to ring in the new year. Sure, it was mildly expensive, but was worth it. For a year that was quite a rollercoaster, it was great to wipe the slate clean and start out in a new place with an old friend. That said, I'm hoping that 2010 really does have a new beginning for me. I'll still work to repair what I think are salvageable friendships...even if some concessions have to be made along the way. I'm thankful for all the great friends I have that have supported me in so many ways in the past year. And I'm also grateful to my radio listeners, who allow me to bring a witty off-kilter comment to their ears now and then. I just hope that I've been able to bring a smile to your face as you have done for me countless times.

This is just shocking...I just watched "Just Married" earlier this week...so sad.

From TMZ:

Brittany Murphy died early this morning after she went into full cardiac arrest and could not be revived, multiple sources tell TMZ.
She was 32.
A 911 call was made at 8:00 AM from a home in Los Angeles that is listed as belonging to her husband, Simon Monjack, the Los Angeles City Fire Department tells TMZ.
We're told Murphy was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center where she was pronounced dead on arrival.
Murphy starred in such films as "Clueless," "8 Mile," and "Don't Say a Word."